Ripples

And that, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of sleep: for now is our salvation nearer than when we believed. Romans 13:11

I’ve always been fascinated by ripples. A single drop of water into still water creates such a large reaction that spreads far wider than you would imagine. The effects of such a tiny thing can travel across a large body of water if they remain unhindered. My sons, as young boys, used to beg to go “plooping” We walked across our property and threw rocks into a small pond, listened to the sound the rock made as it struck the surface “ploop!” and watched the ripples travel across the surface. They tried every size rock they could find to see the different effects of the rocks on the water. The ripples always far exceeded the size of the rock.

This week has been a week of reflection for me. Looking back on my own recent spiritual journey has been interesting. Fortunately, I left myself a bit of paper trail through emails with my pastor, text messages with friends, and ultimately, this blog. Recently, I’ve let life get a little busy for me over the past few weeks, and I could feel myself sliding down a path that I didn’t want to go. I’ve purposed to take some time to reconnect over the past few days.

At some point in late 2019, a single comment was made to me that changed the course of my life. It wasn’t intended to have that effect on me, yet it did. I sat in the back row at a women’s Bible study, joining in, as usual, enjoying a little banter with the teacher as we looked into God’s word. I felt pretty good about my Christian walk at that time. After all, I was saved and baptized just before my freshman year in high school. I read my Bible, at least weekly, if not a little more. I was teaching Sunday School and enjoying seeing my kids learn. Our ladies’ teacher that night just offhandedly mentioned that I was a leader in the church. Not in any real way, of course, but as a Sunday School teacher, even to young kids, I can be considered to be someone who is taking an active roll in our church. Speaking to her now, it wasn’t meant to do have any effect on me, just a comment that went along with the lesson that night, whatever that was… I couldn’t tell you, I’m not sure I heard anything else after that statement… But what I did understand, loud and clear, was a heavy conviction from the Holy Spirit that I was not in the right place to be leading anybody even a little bit in spiritual matters, not even the 5th to 8th graders I teach on Sunday mornings.

I couldn’t tell you exactly when that comment was made, I do know that I thought about it a lot. At that time I went to church every Sunday, probably 75% of the time on Wednesday Nights, and about 25% of the time on Sunday Nights. Sunday Nights were the hardest for me. I had gotten out of the habit when taking care of my mother-in-law through her struggles with Alzheimer’s, and I couldn’t seem to get started back going, especially after spending the afternoon visiting my parents, I just wanted to go home and rest before the new work week started.

As 2019 came to a close, I did my typical yearly evaluation of my life and decided that, in 2020, I was going to go to every church service. By this point, I knew that something needed to change in my spiritual life. I remember being in a service that involved some spirited testimony by many of my brothers and sisters in Christ and I stood in that service feeling completely unmoved by their words. That sensation of being in a vastly different place than my church family was startling. At that point, I knew I wanted to get the “joy of my salvation” back, but didn’t know how to go about it. I began praying regularly for that joy to return.

When 2020 started, I made it through about a month with ‘perfect attendance’ before coming down with the most horrible virus I’ve ever had. Over the next few weeks, I missed many many church services, left work early to come home and go to bed several times, and made multiple visits to my doctor for shots and pills. A little over a month later, the world wide pandemic came along and put a halt to all church services. Suddenly, I couldn’t go to church, even if I wanted to. Watching a pre-recorded message in my pj’s on Sunday Morning was definitely not satisfying to me, a total ‘people person’. I wanted more. What I really wanted was to fellowship with my brothers and sisters in Christ, but since that wasn’t going to happen, I began to read the Word more. I waited with bated breath for the Wednesday Studies to come out from the pastor, I spent a little time each evening reading. A revival was beginning in my heart.

By the time we were allowed back in church, I knew just how precious and important it was to meet together with others to worship. I was surprised by my emotional response to being back in church. I was moved to tears each week by the sheer joy of being allowed to worship together. There weren’t that many of us at first, but that was okay, because He was there, and He was at work in me.

As the summer progressed, my desire for Him grew, and interest in things of the world waned. The tv stayed off, I spent time listening to music or just in silence. What followed for me, will never be easy to put into words. One afternoon, after some particularly hard moments, I stood in my garden, hoeing, crying, and seeking help from God. At one point, I understood without a doubt that there was so much more I needed to surrender to Him beyond my soul. Sure, I had placed my trust in him as a young teenager, and my salvation was secured in that moment, but He wants so much more than that from us., He wants every aspect of our lives given over to Him. Recognizing that, and the areas I had been holding back, I willingly submitted. I can’t begin to describe the experience other than to say that ‘mountaintop experiences’ are real, and they can be life-changing in their intensity.

I guess what I’m trying to convey in my less than stellar way is that: He is there, He desires a closer walk with every single one of us, and that it is so very worth it. That single comment was a tiny drop that the Lord used to create an opening in my heart that allowed a ripple effect and sent me running straight into His arms. We never know when the Lord will use something we say or do to bring someone closer to Him. If you feel lead to speak, do it. If, as in my case, you feel as though you need to seek a deeper connection with Him or a renewal of your faith, by all means, do it. He is a faithful and restorative God.

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit. Psalm 51:10-12