Weak

35 And when the men of that place had knowledge of him, they sent out into all that country round about, and brought unto him all that were diseased; 36 And besought him that they might only touch the hem of his garment: and as many as touched were made perfectly whole. Matthew 14:35-36

These people in this passage of Matthew had knowledge of Christ, they knew what he was capable of. Word of His healings had spread before Him, perhaps some of them had even been healed themselves. When He came into the area, people scattered to retrieve their friends and loved ones who they knew could benefit from His healing touch. Imagine the gathering and people came with with all manner of diseased and sick in tow, just trying to get close enough to get a chance at healing. Now, stop and imagine what could happen if those of us who have experienced His saving grace in our souls worked that hard to get our lost loved ones in to hear a sermon at church… just to give them a chance at salvation.

A few weeks ago, I had what I thought was a bright idea. I wanted to make my prayer life better and more meaningful. Given that I’m a natural list-maker, lists inevitably followed. The result of a few days of thinking about it was a system of alarms on my phone designed to help me remember and pray for specific people in my community who don’t have a testimony of faith. Lost people. As Christians, praying for the lost is typically part of our daily prayers. I often made mention of Sunday School students in my prayers who haven’t yet been saved. It sounded like a great idea. Most, if not all, of us include at least a mention of the lost in our prayers. Those of us with family who haven’t been saved yet, pray for those family members multiple times a day. So, I made a list of everyone I could think of connected to our church family and in my own personal life. I consulted with friends to see who they could think of. The list grew longer and longer. Children, husbands, wives, young and old all were jotted down. At first I thought would set the alarms during the time I set aside for nightly study. I put names in 15 minutes apart, and they took up the entire time I had allotted for nightly study..

Cue the first night: I was studying and my watch vibrated. I checked the name and thought about that person, and said a prayer. 15 minutes later, another… check, no problem. The first few were children, then there was a father, and my heart broke a little thinking about how desperately his wife must pray for his salvation. More children, then a mother with small children, and suddenly, the tears began. I was completely overcome with the weight of this burden. For some reason, personalizing the prayers made the seriousness of their situation extremely real to me. I know all of these people personally to one extent or another. I care deeply about them and their families. I want to see them secure their salvation, and there is absolutely nothing I can do other than pray for them, show them God’s love, and take any opportunities to witness to them. I felt powerless, and the burden felt far too heavy for me to bear. After that first night, I realized that I couldn’t do 15 minute increments. It was too much for me, the burden too heavy. So, I moved them to one per hour from 6:00am until 9:00 pm. It became manageable. My watch vibrates and a name pops up. I try to stop what I’m doing if possible and focus on that person for at least a moment and whisper a prayer. It still feels exponentially heavier than before, but it’s where I feel lead to be at this time.

Yesterday was my one month mark of this more purposeful prayer planning. I can’t say that I completely stop what I’m doing every hour when the notification pops up, but when I get to the end of my day, I go back through and see who I’ve missed. Deciding to share this information on my blog took a bit of thinking and praying. It feels very private, and it’s not something I feel like everyone needs to do, so I’m not encouraging anyone to join me, I just felt led here myself. The reason I chose to share, is because of the change I’ve seen in my attitude. As we watch world events, and it becomes more and more obvious that signs of Jesus’ return are beginning to pop up (of course, we still have no idea when this will happen, it could be hundreds of years, still… we can only read scripture and look around), friends who follow prophecy news with me make comments about something they’ve seen or heard and my mind always turns to the list on my phone. The list of those who wouldn’t be joining us if that trumpet sounded today is sobering and full of people who I love.

This exercise has taught me a few things. Praying for people by name, and one at a time has a much different feeling that simply praying for “the lost” The hourly reminders make me stop and pay attention when that person is around. I’m looking at them and feel much more aware of their presence. I want to connect with them on a personal level, so that if an opportunity to express my love for their soul arises, I have already developed the relationship I have with them. We all like to think that we’re strong and resilient. I have very severe tendencies in that direction. “I’ll handle it,” “I’ve got it,” and “No problem!” are comments that flow easily from my mouth just before I walk away and think, “What am I doing?” I have taken on more than I can handle far too many times. I always seem to be able to make it work, but it usually involves a great many sleepless nights and stressful days. But, when it comes to spiritual things, everything is more than we can handle. Recognizing that weakness can become our greatest strength when we allow God to take over. When I realized the toll that this type of prayer was having on me, I immediately realized the gulf between my personal strength and that of God. I know that sounds ridiculous, but consider that He loves each of us enough to number the hairs on our head, to have personal knit us together in our mother’s womb, to send His own Son as a sacrifice to rescue us from our own sins. He desires a personal relationship with each of us, and then think of the millions upon millions on this earth at this moment who either reject or openly war against Him. The level of heartbreak that I feel over the children and grandchildren of my friends cannot begin to compare with how He feels for millions who are headed toward eternal punishment that wasn’t created for them.

And the lord said unto the servant, Go out into the highways and hedges, and compel them to come in, that my house may be filled. Luke 14:23