Where are you?
And they heard the voice of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day: and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God amongst the trees of the garden Genesis 3:8
When I was younger, my brother got tons of phone calls… from girls. I was fascinated as he stretched the phone cord into his bedroom and shut the door. He was probably 15 or 16 and I was 7 or 8. I couldn’t imagine what they were talking about for so long. Finally, one evening, my curiosity got the best of me. When he came out to get a drink, I slipped quietly into his closet and sat (very uncomfortably) on his trumpet case with my ears piqued to find out exactly what teenage boys and girls talked about. Eventually, my mom missed me. She began calling for me, and her tone of voice was getting more and more frantic as she searched for me. I was between a rock and a hard place. If my brother found out I’d been spying on him, he was going to get me, if Mom didn’t find me soon, that could be even worse. Finally, I burst out of the closet and ran to my mother. The worst part of the whole thing was that the only thing I learned is that teenage boys and girls don’t talk about anything, as far as I could tell. Fortunately, my brother found the whole thing hilarious, and I acted before my mother really got upset.
There are times when, in our spiritual lives, we put ourselves in much the same position: We tiptoe along a fence, unwilling to make a commitment to living in the world or living a life totally sold out for God. Both options are scary and fill us with dread. As Christians, we know we shouldn’t be living a worldly life, and as humans created out of weak flesh, we struggle with the probable cost of fully committing our whole lives to God. What we end up with is a less than satisfying life on both ends.
That night in my brother’s closet, I was where I wanted to be - I thought. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I knew that my mom wouldn’t be happy with my choice, but at that moment, it was something I wanted. Aren’t we guilty of doing the same thing in our adult lives? We know we’re somewhere we shouldn’t be; We know God wouldn’t be happy with our choice, and yet, we make that choice. It’s when we get there, and we’re stuck that the problems begin. I remember when I started skipping church services: I gave all sorts of excuses. But the truth of the matter was: there were other things I’d rather be doing… Other things I placed more importance on than spending time worshipping and learning about my God. I actually worried what would be said to me if I started coming back to church more often. I didn’t want to face my church family and admit that I had no reason for my lack of attendance.
If we aren’t attending church services like we should, if we aren’t studying like we should, if we aren’t praying like we should, the last thing we want to do is admit it. The worst thing about going to my mother that night when I hid in my brother’s closet was admitting that I had been doing something I shouldn’t have. I had hoped to slip in and slip out without anyone knowing. But, what we have to realize is that God knows already, just like he knew in the garden when he walked and called for Adam and Eve, “Where are you?” He knew exactly where they were. What He wanted from them was that they acknowledge their own sin. If your relationship with the Lord is lacking in some area, He already knows that. When He calls out to you, and you feel that tug of conviction on your life, He isn’t wondering where you are, He’s gently asking you to acknowledge it. If we fail to acknowledge it, or even sinfully deny it (like I did) that conviction will grow. In my stubbornness, I held on when my Lord called me back to Him until the conviction weighed so heavily on me that I could no longer bear it. And still He called. He won’t give up on us. He will call to us until we return to Him. The question is, how long are you going to hide?
