Friendly
Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Colossians 3:12
Sometimes you don’t realize you have a void in your life until it is filled.
I remember sitting in a women’s group last year, thinking I had a group of friends that I could trust and that were meant to be my “tribe”. I was outspoken about the relationships I had, and how good they were. That turned out to be a little less than true. And, it wasn’t really that I couldn’t trust them. But, I discovered that our backgrounds and our beliefs were so various that when times got tough this year, we reacted in vastly different ways. I found that some of their reactions were incompatible with my belief system. I’ve only really remained close with one of them, and we share very similar beliefs, which tie us together. I still love the other ladies, and consider them my friends, but I have come to terms with the truth that we are in vastly different places on a few planes.
Looking back now, I think of that famous line from “The Sound of Music”. “When God closes a door, Somewhere He opens a window.” That window turned out to be in a group of ladies I’ve been gathering with for years and years. While we have known each other for years, the closeness we’ve found is new. What I also found later, though, was a new kind of love for my church family. It may seem counterintuitive for someone who is attending the church they grew up in, but secretly, I often feel like an “outsider” at my own church. There aren’t a lot of people really close to my age, and many of them are close to each other through family connections and spend time together outside of church. I’ve never really spent time outside of church with anyone except my immediate family.
The closer friendships that have developed this year had to be sent from God. I don’t make that comment lightly. People who know me well, understand that I can be very guarded. People who don’t know me that well, think I’m an open book. If I let you in to my life, I’m a different person. Publicly, I tend to crack jokes and try to be fun, privately, there’s a little more to me. With the closeness that has developed this year, I’ve gained so much: many discussions are spiritually focused and have truly helped me maintain a closer walk with the Lord. To be able to open up to Godly women, ask them to pray for specific needs I have, to take time to pray for personal issues they have going on, to be able to ask for advice and know that I will get advice that falls in line with God’s word, and even to be able to laugh about things that are going on with our families has been an invaluable addition to my life.
While building a closer relationship with a few ladies has been wonderful, but it has also left me wondering how many other women in our church feel the same way I’ve always felt. While I have always felt like everyone at my church cares about me, it’s a totally different experience to feel like other women actually want to spend time with me. Why don’t we take time to build these church family relationships more? I have no answer for that, but in an effort to look for a way to begin the process of creating opportunities for that very thing to happen. The first thing I needed to completely understand is what God wants us to experience in our friendship relationships.
There are some very definite things we’re called to do. The first thing that came to mind, was the section in Titus, where Paul gives instruction to the older women. Sadly, I have actually become one of the “older women” of the church. It happened kind of fast, and honestly I was as shocked by that revelation as anyone else.
The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Titus 2:3-5
Taking a look at Colossians 3:12, we can see that it says a lot: Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Colossians 3:12. In short, we should treat each other well. Maybe even better than “we would have them treat us.” I enjoy looking for opportunities to do nice things for my friends. It makes me happy to see a need, or even a desire, and fill it to the best of my ability. I’ve always had a tendency toward that kind of behavior, but lately, I feel like I’m gaining so much from the relationships I have, that there is no way I can outpace the love I’ve received.
Galatians 6:2 says: Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. This has not always been easy for me. I don’t like to admit that I have a burden. I tend to try to shoulder them all myself, not even calling out to the One who created me for help. But, that isn’t the way it should be. As I’ve been able to open up to friends, it’s actually helped me be able to better cast my burdens on Him. Once an issue is ‘out in the open’ and I’m no longer holding on to it privately, somehow it becomes easier for me to talk to the Lord about it. And, while I realize that He should be the first place I go with a problem, that is something, I still need to work on.
Hebrews 3:13 But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. There’s a reason we have cheerleaders at football games. Everyone needs encouragement A godly friend knows when you need lifting up, and will point you on a godly path. Sometimes that comes in the form of a cheerleader type exhortation, sometimes it needs to take a different approach: a warning, or strong advice. A good and godly friend can do all of it.
Of course, the 13th Chapter of 1st Corinthians is full of advice for us about how to show love to each other. We do it without thinking ourselves first, with patience, without envy, and a host of other ideas. When it all comes together the way God plans, it’s a glorious thing. I would pray that every one of us can find friendships that meet God’s plan for our lives, and that drive us to have a closer relationship with Him. I would encourage you to take some time and get to know some of your sisters in Christ in your church a bit better. Look for opportunities to connect with them on a deeper level. It has been worth far more than I would have ever expected to me personally, and has helped grow my relationship with Christ.
