Who is a God like unto thee, that pardoneth iniquity, and passeth by the transgression of the remnant of his heritage? he retaineth not his anger for ever, because he delighteth in mercy. Micah 7:18

Four years ago this week, I thought I would begin addressing the spiritual discomfort I had been dealing with for months. In all honesty, I wasn’t sure where to begin. I was saved at 14, and I was comfortable with my place in heaven. So, why was I feeling so uncomfortable with my Christian walk? I couldn’t put my finger on it exactly. I could see that there were others who were seemingly walking a closer walk with the Lord, but I wasn’t sure how to get there, or if I was ready to be that ‘serious’ about my faith. As it was the week between Christmas and New Years, I thought, “Well… I’ll just make a fresh start.” I purposed to go to every church service.

We so often take this quiet period between Christmas and a New Year’s to set ourselves goals, to make promises to ourselves about what we’ll do better in the next year, but we rarely stay true to them. I believe that in 2019, the Lord had a plan for me in 2020 that I couldn’t see. I believe that He, through His Holy Spirit convicted my heart enough that my spiritual condition was at least something I was aware of. I thought I was going to make myself feel better by my actions, but the Lord had other plans.

A man's heart deviseth his way: but the Lord directeth his steps. Proverbs 16:9

Our Lord wants something for us that is beyond anything we can imagine in our walk with Him, and we fight against Him as He tries to give us good things. My son graduated college a few weeks ago, and we sat and discussed how his graduation gave me a great deal of relief as a homeschooling mom. For both of my boys to go and complete the path of study that they chose finally gave me some confidence that I hadn’t done them a disservice by choosing to teach them at home. He said, “I don’t know if I could do it, Mom You literally were trying to teach us while we actively fought against you all the way.” I hadn’t thought of it that way, but isn’t that what kids always do? They fight for their own way, even as we desperately try to steer them in the right direction as parents. As children of the Almighty God, we have the same tendencies as our children here on earth. God draws us, pushes us, convicts us, even punishes us at times for our choices - and yet we fight against the path He has for us, when all He desires is that we have live ‘more abundant’!

I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. John 10:10b

Throughout the first half of 2020, I read and studied more. I prayed more. And eventually I realized what God was asking of me… what He asks of each one of us who know Him. He was asking that I truly live my life for Him in every aspect of who I am… to let Him lead me in every decision, and every action. Looking back now… it’s everywhere throughout the Word. my mind can quickly think of many verses that speak to how He wants us to live: as living sacrifices,(Romans 12:1-2). We are to deny ourselves, and take up our cross daily (Luke 9:23), Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord (Col 3:23),whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.(1 Cor 10:31) whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. (John 14:15)

In my hubris in 2019, I thought I was going to ‘do something’ to change how I felt spiritually. In 2020, I learned the truth… that only by allowing God to direct my steps could I do anything. I learned that I’m nothing without Him leading in every aspect of my life. I realized the truth of the matter: that without Him… I can do nothing. There’s an old song that speaks those words, and we sing it often in church, but until you realize and apply that in all parts of your life, you’re blind to the truth of the matter. “Life more abundant” seems simple until you’ve experienced it. I became vocal about exactly what this God we serve can do… because it’s not me, it’ll never be me… It’s always Jesus.

The best part of all? It doesn’t matter where you are now. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done. How many times you’ve failed Him. I would never have thought for one second that I was worth a second chance. I had done so very many sad sinful things, even as a Christian. But His mercy is endless. And… He wants to bring you back into a right relationship with Him. Then - He wants you to tell it. to tell as many people as you can possibly find. He wants you to know Him more, better, deeper… And then spread it to the world. Because, it isn’t about anything I ever did or will do, it’s about what He is capable of doing, with a life as pitiful as mine. If he can give me a revival in my heart that is endless regardless of whatever else is going on in my life… He can do the same for you, or anyone else.

He is a God of second chances. He has a gift for each of us, and all we have to do is reach out and take it.